The beginning was fun because I was so young and naive. First time monk – fear nothing, know nothing! And I'm still alive! God protects the innocents! Yeah, I was quite naive. Can you imagine? Really, it's like the Buddha's time, and in the 20th century's end, people build skyscrapers, go to the Moon and all that, and we're hanging around in tents and shaving heads, living in the jungle and roasting potatoes. Do you believe it? And think it's the best life that we had! And I still do!
Oh, my God, I think that was the best time I have had, up to now. Compared to all the big buildings, big meditation halls, roomy houses and big houses or whatever. I never feel as good, I have to tell you the truth. At that time, all we needed was just one or two meals a day, and it’s not elaborate or anything.
Sometimes we don't have utensils, we just use a slab, a slab stone... (Slate stone.) Slate stone? The flat one? Yeah, they are abound in the river, and some are not that flat. But you can chop it. You can break it and make it flat a little bit. More or less flat, doesn't matter, who cares. And put oil on it, and zzzp-zzzp-zzzp...! And then, OK, eat it! Or just barbecue or cook something, use small utensils... And cook one or two pots, everybody eats together. Afterward, we had dessert even! Because while you're cooking all the stuff, rice and vegetables and all that, you can put the sweet potatoes inside the hot coals and hot ashes. After you've finished cooking, eating your meal and everything, you take it out and it’s just ripe. It's just right, and eat it like dessert.
And at that time, I even made (non-alcoholic) wine. Remember the vegan (non-alcoholic) wine? I don't know if you know about it. I don't think... You are another generation! And I made (non-alcoholic) wine out of those juices and herbs and stuff, and it tastes so beautiful!
And that's how we lived our life in the beginning of my mission. And now, I don't know, I lost the visa for Taiwan (Formosa). Not lost, but at that time I could stay permanently, every year I had to renew. But one time I went out, and then I couldn't go back in time yeah. And at that time some of the people didn't like it that some people followed me, their family. They worked in high office, so it was difficult for me to renew my visa again. Because some of their family members followed me as a nun and monk. Although they're already very big and adults, they don't like it. So, here I am. At that time, I couldn't get a visa to come back. I could go back, but just stay two weeks or something, or have to apply for a visa and then stay a month or... Ah, I just couldn’t bother anymore. That was many years after and... Ah, somehow...
The beginning was fun because I was so young and naive. First time monk – fear nothing, know nothing! And I'm still alive! God protects the innocents! Yeah, I was quite naive. Can you imagine? Really, it's like the Buddha's time, and in the 20th century's end, people build skyscrapers, go to the Moon and all that, and we're hanging around in tents and shaving heads, living in the jungle and roasting potatoes. Do you believe it? And think it's the best life that we had! And I still do! Of course many people liked that kind of lifestyle, and they followed me. I don't know how I even fed the whole bunch of them. I didn't have any money! How did I ever do that? I kind of forgot.
I did something, like we planted some vegetables and bean sprouts which is easy. Lazy style! I put it in the bath: I cleaned the bathtub, laid it underneath with some cloth, cheesecloth or something, whatever, or mosquito net that we had. And then put beans on it, and then another layer, another layer, and the whole bathtub was full of beans. Then I just took one by one and sold them. The whole bathtub was full of beans, and they became bean sprouts. Every day I watered it, from the tap, easy, and then after a week or something, I can't remember... It grows one someday, and then I sell one by one. The top layer is bigger, sell it first, and then it's so thick and big, and I sell them. And then that's it.
Some of them (monks/nuns) have a little money with them, so they feed themselves. Some don't have anything. And we used to have a small tin, a small metal can. Whatever money we had, we put it all in there. Anybody who needed what, took out what and used what. Well, it was very simple. We knew we don't have much, so don't take much. I can't believe that! And we survived! Jesus! And even survived that river! Because summer is sometimes monsoon season; it can be rainy. And we camped there a long time, and nothing happened. My God, the rain god must have felt very sorry, he held his tears... Or maybe he went somewhere else to cry quietly, so he had no more tears left for Taiwan (Formosa)! So embarrassed to cry in the public, so he hid himself and cried somewhere. When he came back to Taiwan (Formosa), no more water left, so during all that time, we had no problem. The water helped us, and the wood in the forest... So free! Just freedom! I don't know anymore this kind of freedom.
At that time, even though I heard that some religious organizations don't like us because we're new and they don't know what we're doing: “Why? Immediate enlightenment! What? How?” They've been practicing all their lives until... They've been sitting there, the bottom almost falls out, and don't know what enlightenment is, and me, such a small, young girl from nowhere and says, “Immediate enlightenment now!” Oh, they can't bear it! And sometimes they created some problems, but I was invincible, I told you I didn’t know what “problem” means! I couldn’t believe anything like that. Whatever they told me, it's OK, I don't care. I can't believe it! I was so convinced in my own goodness. You understand me? I could not believe that anybody doesn't understand that I'm good! That's it! So self-confident! But the world has been showing me differently... After 20 years, you know a little different.
My God. That was a good time. I was so naive, I wouldn't know what's the difference between a cobra and a duck. Maybe not! Yeah, because I used to live in the mountains. I've seen snakes everywhere! In India there are snakes everywhere. And centipedes and scorpions, they'd sleep together with me. In the bed, when you get up, sometimes you see them crawling around, or under your pillow. I'm not kidding, it happened to me! And it's not that I don't know that they're poisonous, because they bit my neighbor, and she was all swollen, had to go to emergency quickly. And I know they are poisonous, but what can I do? That's all I have. They are the only friends! You'll be more lonely if they're not there!
And sometimes... I can't believe it, now when I look back: I was really invincible, and almost stupid! Who would do that! So young and as a woman alone, walk around in the forest at night no flashlight – can't afford it! And I even see the road! It’s not like outside the road here, you can feel the way. Because sometimes I'd go to some temple or see other teacher or master or some yogi, “yoga,” whatever, and I forgot the time, and when I came back, it's so late! And I still got home! Believe it or not? There's no moonlight or nothing! How did I get home? Now I can't even remember how I did it, but I did! And it's really puzzling to me now, but I did all that stupid stuff. And sleeping on the mud ground and all that! I had only one sleeping bag and two pajama-like clothes, like the Punjabi clothes. Just a tunic, really thin cotton, cheap cotton, and then trousers, that's that, and survived all this! And how did I do that? I mean, I was just a woman! How did I even do that, I forgot. I must have been well organized.
But I never felt more free than at that time, the time that we camped on the riverbank. But it was a better climate than here. Taiwan (Formosa), in the south. Well, sometimes it could be very cold, but I don't know, we were OK then. (Less rain?) Huh? (Less rain?) I guess less rain, but we had tents, so it doesn't matter. And when four people, the heat is high, so even if you're wet, you dry in no time. Magic! And we'd go wander from one place to another sometimes. It was really a wandering life! Yeah, couldn't stay somewhere too long. Sometimes for some different reasons, or some people asked us to go somewhere else and we didn't want to bother them. Later on, I was more known, and people asked me to go in their houses sometimes. But I had a lot of people with me, 20, 40, 30 – well, how to go in there? Didn’t want to bother, and we already kept the principle that we don't bother people, so we just stayed outside, camp, and then went and lecture at night.
And even the first couple of times I lectured, it was in a big hall, and a lot of people came in. And everybody already liked it, and they said, “Oh, Master this, Master that.” And they thought I have a temple like everybody else in Taiwan (Formosa). If you go talking like that, you must have a temple and many disciples following already. They didn't know I lived in a tent on the riverbank and roasted my potatoes at midnight on New Year's Eve. I didn't feel anything different. I didn't feel I should have a temple or anything. I didn't feel anything! Just felt cool, just normal. Just like, you feel like you have a home or a job, that's it. And some people followed us secretly and felt, “Oh, so strange! How come this Master doesn't have any temple and then sleeps here in a tent and roasts potatoes!” Because that day we didn't have any food, we didn't have any fresh food or protein or nothing. We were not having donations, even at that time already. So whatever we had, we spent, no more. And then we'd buy potatoes, oranges, and we'd roast everything, anything sugarcane, oranges, apples, potatoes – sweet and not sweet. It was really a free life, my God! Could I ever live like that again? Would I like that again? I don't know. Maybe I've grown out of it, huh? I'm not sure, I'm not really sure. At that time, solitude was all I wanted!
Mostly whenever I... Even after we had the land already, and we all, each one had their own tent. That was, wow, luxury life! And elevated ground, bamboo bind together and put the tent on top. It's not like flat on the riverbank like before, and we're in the mountain, so it's not flat. So we had to make it like you make a platform, because the mountain is not flat. And we both have elevation. Now they're even better. Each one has a cave. You know the caves in Miaoli or not? (No. Yes.) None of you know? (I've seen them.) You've seen them? Have you been in there once? (I've just seen them from the outside.) You couldn’t get in? They didn’t let you? (I think I stood in the doorway, and that was it.) You didn't want to, OK. It's not necessary, of course.
Each one makes a cave of their own liking, with water, washing basin, and the ventilator upstairs. I have one also. It's kind of humid to live in a cave in Taiwan (Formosa), a little bit, but now they have a dehumidification machine, the cave with air-con and dehumidifier, and it is funny sometimes... And heater and all that. Even then, at that time, after we had that mountain, we didn't make caves yet, and I always longed to go into the wilderness alone. So, sometimes I'd take a whole bunch of them, sometimes I'd just go alone with one or two people. And I told you before, I used to go in that cave until the tree fell on top of it, I mean in front of it, and blocked the whole cave. You still can go in, but you have to crawl under branches. So I thought, “OK, if you don't want me to go in there, then that's it, that's the end.” And that's really... I don't ever go back there again. Don't ever go back to Taiwan (Formosa) again, ever since. Something happened here and there, and then I just kind of cut off.
But I remember that's the freest time and the happiest time. My God, I was really happy! So carefree. Didn’t feel any burden or trouble, not at all. We lived like three, four hundred, or at least 200-something people, but it felt like one. Didn’t feel any friction between us, or no tension, nothing. Some are cooking, and some hang around waiting. Some are sitting there mouthwatering, and each one does their own job. Some do some knitting, some do cleaning tents, or do whatever. Some just go and hang on the rock, sit there, and some go in the bush, some hang in the hammock, depends. It was just a really happy time. So even then, afterward we had land, we had more stable tents, more stable land, more stable caves, or a more stable house even, I never felt as happy.
