Actually, I just don’t want to spoil you anymore. I want you to grow up. Be a really nice and lovable person. Don’t be a nuisance to any environment or society, or every meeting, every group. Nobody likes these kind of people who are so unreal and unnatural and pretentious, theatrical. Do you capisce (understand) or not? (Yes.) I don’t want you to think I’m nice and gentle and lovely. No! I want you to be that! I want you to be the nice one, the gentle one, the good one, the lovable one.
Next one. (Hallo Master, a quick question. I’m originally from China, but now I’m a student in Canada. So, I got initiated in Vancouver, Canada, because in my country, China, it’s very hard to get initiated. So, after my initiation, I really found a lot of changes in my life. But with these changes, sometimes it’s really difficult for me.) Why? (And sometimes… I found that after my initiation, I have to deal with a lot of uncontrollable difficulties. Everything goes very, very difficult for me. Because I think previously, I had a very, very happy life. I also talked [about] this problem…) So, then give me back the initiation, then go home. If you find it difficult, right? (No. I’m wondering how can I deal with this difficulty.)
What kind of difficulty? (A lot of difficulty from the daily life. From the study and the work, and all these things we have to deal with. So these take a lot of time, so I cannot have enough time to do meditation.) So, shall I meditate for you? (No.) What kind of difficulty, I don’t understand. What are you saying? (OK. I’m sorry, Master. This is my problem.) No, you have to say what kind particularly. Particular. (OK, particularly, for example, my life changed. I used to have no problem with the study, but after initiation…) Are you sure of that? (Sorry, Master.) OK. No, you have to tell me.
What do you mean by you were very happy before? How? And now, why you are not happy. (Yes. For example, previously, I had a very, very good relationship with my supervisor. But after initiation, just two days after initiation, my supervisor suddenly asked me to leave. He said that maybe I’m not a very suitable student for him. And I think I really did nothing wrong before, and my grade is very good, and my research is very excellent. So why did he give this very sudden shock to me?) Did you ask him? (No.) Why you ask me? I don’t know. (OK.) Maybe you have done something wrong, but he tolerated it for a long time, (Yes, that’s right.) and now I think he’s had it – just like I have had it. All these three decades, I said nothing to anybody, mostly not. But from now on, I’m going to say everything, whatever. (Yes.) I also used to not tell you my identity, my real identity. Now, I tell everything as is. OK? (OK. Thank You.) Maybe it’s time. It’s time you face your real inside. (Thank You, Master.)
And then what else is there? So what happens now after he told you to leave? So what happened to you? (Now I found a new supervisor and began my research.) And then? (And later, in the next month, I will work for the UN, United Nations, in developing countries’ relationships. I will maybe help the developed countries to donate some projects to the developing countries, to improve the infrastructure system in the developing countries.) So... (Thank You, Master. I think You gave me this second opportunity to study and carry out my research.) Would you rather be stuck with the niceness of the old supervisor or go to work with the United Nations? (No, I changed to a new supervisor; I found a new one.) You see? (Yes.) And now you work a better job. (Yes.)
So, what is the problem? You don’t see any positive things in anything. (Yes.) Any change you call it a problem. (Yes.) Change doesn’t always mean it’s a problem; change means good. (Yes, thank You, Master, I understand.) Yeah? (Yes, I understand.) You do? (Yes.) Better supervisor, better job, and says it’s a problem. You were in love with the old supervisor or something? Yes? Otherwise, how can it be a problem for you? I don’t see any problem, OK? Do you, any of you? (No.) You’re done? Or you have any more stupid questions for me? You’re done? (Sorry, Master, I’m done.) Good. (Yes.)
Why are you laughing? (I think You have to stop the medicine.) Stop the medicine? (Yes.) Why is that? (If it changes Your mood like that – no good.) You mean I’m worse than before? OK, OK. Why? Better or worse? No, it’s just that after 30-some years of patience, I’ve had enough. That’s it, not because of medicine. Don’t just blame anything on medicine. Of course, I don’t like medicine. I don’t like being sick. Being sick makes you feel uncomfortable as well and impatient somehow. Especially if things don’t go well the way you want them. And nobody takes care of you when you’re ill and… I was telling her yesterday, “I’m thinking of how to prepare for my old age. Maybe I’ll have to go into an old people’s home.” They call it what? Old people’s home, right? (Yes.) Because I have assistants, but they don’t take care of me. They don’t cook for me. They don’t even buy food for me. They buy for themselves only. Normally, they share, you know? It’s all my money! Luckily, otherwise, I’d have to beg more; I’d have to go out. I thought, “Nobody takes care of me and when I’m older, what am I going to do?”
Just a few days ago, I was very sick. I could not get up and cook for myself. Truly, it was like that. If I’m getting older and maybe feeling worse, then how am I going to live like that? So I was telling her maybe I’ll look for an old people’s home or something, because there’s always somebody to take care of you. Or I’ll stay in a hotel. First-class hotels, they have service. Yeah, they change your sheets, bed sheets, every day or at least every 10 days. And you have room service; you can always call them. You can call for vegan food as well. At home, I have my own people, but nobody really cares about me. They care about each other – all the time – only. They cook for each other, and they become buddies, you see? And then they just do things with each other or listen to each other. They don’t even listen to me anymore. I know it is all karma. I know the negative power makes them this way. But I have to survive too. To forgive is another thing. I have to also take care of myself, but I don’t know how sometimes.
Recently, it was really difficult. So I took a lot of medicine to make me more awake, and now she told me I have to stop. If I stopped, then I’d become bedridden again, and I wouldn’t get up again. I would not even feed myself. Sometimes it’s so bad. The karma, it’s just so bad. It looked like just a common cold, but it really, really flattened me down. I could hardly walk; I could hardly sleep. I could not wake up, could not get up. But when I’m in front of you, you don’t see it, of course. You don’t see. I didn’t want to bring my miserable face to present it to you. So, you always think I always feel good, look good. I don’t always feel good and look good. Sometimes, the karma is so heavy that I can hardly get up. I could not even find the medicine for myself. I could not take care of myself, even though normally I know which medicine to do and what things to… how to take care of myself. But in such a situation, I blurred out. But this is good already. These few days, I took some different medicine, and it made me feel better, at least. So don’t tell me to stop!
Actually, I just don’t want to spoil you anymore. I want you to grow up. Be a really nice and lovable person. Don’t be a nuisance to any environment or society, or every meeting, every group. Nobody likes these kind of people who are so unreal and unnatural and pretentious, theatrical. Do you capisce (understand) or not? (Yes.) I don’t want you to think I’m nice and gentle and lovely. No! I want you to be that! I want you to be the nice one, the gentle one, the good one, the lovable one. Me, I’m an old person, one person already. And I’m Master, everybody likes me anyway, no matter what. But you, you’re living outside there. You should train yourself to be more decent, more simple, more natural so that people can like you. If I keep spoiling you, telling you, “It’s OK,” “Yeah,” “Good,” what will become of you? There’re things I cannot change at home because I need them to feed my dog(-people) and to drive my car and all that. I cannot change them. Maybe I can, but I did not find somebody else yet. But if something I can change here, I do.
I am not here for you to worship me as the super nice, the most gentle person on the planet, and the most tolerant Master of all the history of mankind. No! I want you to be good. I do anything I can to make you feel good. And sometimes, I do it differently. Sometimes, I have to be gentle; sometimes, I have to be rough. Everybody needs different treatment. I can’t treat all the same; that would be too square. That would be too stupid. But I know some of you don’t like the rough treatment. Then be happy that I don’t treat you roughly. If I treat somebody else rough, it has nothing to do with you. Or – does it have something to do with you? (No.) Then don’t be scared. I could be more scary if you want. Truly, I do that because I still think you are teachable. If there’s somebody I feel won’t listen or is useless or [has] too much ego, then I don’t bother about that person anymore. Even if he lives or she lives next to me, I will not say anything. Whatever, I just smile and say, “OK, whatever.” If you are a nice person, it’s good for you. I don’t earn anything out of that. My God. An enlightened person doesn’t have to be a nuisance. Truly, you have to wake up a little bit.
There’s another person here. Oh my God! Four people suggested to me medicine, and you told me to stop mine to replace it with all this? My God. My God. One medicine, this is another one. Two, three, four. I sent two away already, so I have two left. I don’t want that! OK? So we don’t need to hear that. Oh, guys! You don’t even know how to ask questions. We don’t want this.
I had a map of the Thai… I don’t know where I put it. Do you know where? I used to… It was here, and somebody took it away or something. (Maybe in the office?) My office? I didn’t see it. I haven’t got the time to take care of that yet. You see? Then it’s gone. You can please go [to the] office to see if any[thing] is there. (Yes.) If not, you have to make a new one. (OK.)
