This Master Nasruddin, He was very “wicked.” He told a joke like this: One time, Nasruddin went into a neighbor’s garden, took one of the melons and put it in His bag. And then the neighbor came out and asked, “What is my melon doing in Your bag?” And Master Nasruddin said, “I was also asking the same question.”
You know what? I take a rest because we cannot talk. Bon appétit (Good appetite)! (Bon appétit!) OK, guys? (Yes.) No need for this, my God! You don’t know how I eat? Hey, stop it. He looks at my food, and he forgets everything. Go eat. No more working now. Stop it. Can’t you even take a joke? It’s OK. No, you know, like fun time, we want to record it. Later, we look at these, and then say, “Wow, what a happy time!” Otherwise, [if] no camera, it’s gone. We don’t ever see it again. And it’s rare that the Master eats so many chilies. We must record it. Now I really can’t talk!
Mullah Nasruddin, He went to India. Oh, He just said that; He always made fun of Himself. He would always tell jokes about Himself so people, disciples [would] laugh. He was “wicked.” He told terrible jokes about Himself sometimes. So, one time, He went to India – supposed to. He told a joke like He went to India. And, of course, in India they sell mangoes and apples, apricots, peaches, all kinds of things. But they’re expensive, like two rupees for one mango. It’s not really expensive, but for Him, He was a poor Master. Not like me, I’m so “rich” and… cameras everywhere.
And then He saw a big basket of some red fruit; it looked very red and delicious. And He asked how much it was for one. They said, “Oh, 1 kilo for 2 rupees.” A mango was 2 rupees for one mango, but this one, you [could] have 1 kilo for 2 rupees. So He bought the whole basket. And later He began to eat, then the people said, “No, no, no! You cannot eat this, it’s very sharp. They’ll kill You.” And He kept eating, and He was crying. People said, “My God! Isn’t it sharp to You?” He said, “Yes, yes, it’s devilish sharp, I can’t bear it. You can see I’m crying here. I can’t even talk.” They said, “Then stop, don’t eat it! Why do You keep eating?” He said, “Because I paid for it.” It’s a pity not to eat. Just a joke. You know, He didn’t want to waste money. That’s why. (Yes.)
The audio man can eat and do at the same time? You can also do it [at the] same time? Eat and [use] camera. No, cannot? No talent. Can only do one job at a time. (OK.) Can eat, yes! Whenever my driver is driving, sometimes they are sleepy. I’m worried they’ll go to sleep. So I always open something, “You want to eat? Go and eat?” When he says yes, “No, later, later. Drive first!” And then, when he’s a little bit tired, I say, “Really, you can eat now. You want to? You want to eat?” He says, “Yes, Master.” I say, “No. No. Later.” Then he becomes awake. Terrible Master. I’m ashamed of myself, but I have to save his life and my life and the dog(-people)’s lives.
(Master, You know what You have to do next time? Give him a hot chili pepper. It will wake him up.) Oh, really? You tried it? (I tried it. It wakes you up within seconds, much better than coffee.) Oh, really? (Yes.) OK. (It really works.) If my driver “kills” me, I’ll tell it was you. What’s your name? Where do you live? What’s your ID number? You can run, but you can’t hide! Who wants to be my driver next? Who wants to be my next driver? Raise hand. Now I know a tip. Oh, yeah? Eat this first. If you can eat, then maybe. (I can. I like chilies. I like chilies like this.) But not this. (Too hot?) It really wakes you up? Not really hot. Even my dog(-people) can eat. It just looks scary, but it’s nothing. (You want more, Master?) More? Put it in a plastic bag and save it for my driver.
This is more hot. It seems like. Wah! Anybody want to try? Driver-to-be? Husband-to-be? Come. Let me test your love. When I was younger I was more cheeky, more “wicked.” (Not too hot?) No. Aaaah! No. Nothing. Either my tongue buds are dead, or it’s really nothing. Anybody want to try it and tell me if it’s OK? No. (No.) Not hot. Try it. (Yes, I’ll try, Master.) Try it, eat it. Aaaah! Indians, they are not afraid. (Very spicy.) It’s not. (Very spicy.) It’s not spicy. Then you can’t be the driver anyway. For me, it’s orange juice. If I drink orange juice and if I mix with a little soya milk, like a (vegan) milkshake, then I can’t sleep all night. (Oh, wow!) Yeah, meditate very well. Oh, it’s really hot, man! It’s hot after.
(We have a soup here.) Huh? (We have soup here.) What kind of soup is that? No, hot is nice. Anybody want some, please? (It’s very spicy.) If you want some. I mean, you take some rice and eat with it or some food with it. You take turns, guys. One person at a time so the other one can eat. Here. I want some more. (But it’s very hot.) Careful! (Sorry, sorry.) It’s very hot? That is not hot. (Temperature hot.) Wonderful. Life is spicy. And look at how much they give me! And this. (Oh!) I told you already. If I eat a piece of (vegan) cake and I say, “Oh, not too bad,” then tomorrow I’ll have 10 boxes. You know, like 5 kilos each box. So, I just said, “Oh, I like chilies” and look at how much I have. I think it’s still coming. Forget it. It’s OK. It’s not too bad, really; I’ve eaten hotter than this.
This Master Nasruddin, He was very “wicked.” He told a joke like this: One time, Nasruddin went into a neighbor’s garden, took one of the melons and put it in His bag. And then the neighbor came out and asked, “What is my melon doing in Your bag?” Thank you, love. Go eat there. (Yes. Thank You.) And Master Nasruddin said, “I was also asking the same question.” He was so cute. I love His stories. Even if I read them again and again, I laugh again. This is very appetizing. You still want to eat with me? (Yes.) Thank you, love. I think you know all these stories already, but they’re always funny.
One time, the neighbor came and wanted to borrow His donkey(-person). He was very famous. He had a donkey(-person); He went everywhere with it. It’s OK. The camera can also pick up. And then He said to the neighbor, “No, the donkey(-person) is not here. You cannot borrow it because the donkey(-person)’s not here.” And then, just as He said that the donkey(-person) brayed, “Hee-haw, hee-haw,” in the backyard. So, the neighbor said, “But I heard the donkey(-person)’s braying behind Your house. So You’re telling me a lie, huh? [If] You don’t want to lend me the donkey(-person), You just say so. Why [did] You lie to me?” So, Mullah Nasruddin asked him, “Now you believe the donkey(-person) instead of… of me?!” I saved this for you. And all these chilies.
OK. Take a break, two seconds. Really, I’ll let you eat now, both of you. (It’s OK. We ate already.) (I ate already.) You did? It’s a joke? (Yes.) (No, no.) And you? No, huh? Come, eat. (Yes, I did.) You did? Eat more, eat more. Camera, it’s very heavy. Go eat. (It’s OK.) Then, at least, you share this with each other. (OK, sure.) Protein. (Sister, would you like to eat more?) (The soya sauce is very good.) (Yes, the other one is very spicy.) The soya sauce? (Yes, very spicy.) Leave it there [if] anybody wants to eat. You don’t have to eat rice… You don’t have to eat rice and chilies just because your Master eats it! This just gives me [an] appetite, because I don’t have [an] appetite too much. But eating is fun, huh? (Yes. We like it.)
(Sister, can you help me get some of that?) (This one?) If you want chilies… (This one?) (No, no, that one.) (This one?) (To drink.) (OK.) The drink. (Oh, sorry.) (Sorry, sorry.) There’s a small one, you want? Oh, you want that? OK. There is some more sauce here, guys. There is some more sauce here if you want. If anybody wants to cry, come over. Tell him [to] eat more. You’re a big guy; eat more. Eat for fun. Eat what you think you can. Go, go, go. (Go, go, go.) Pushing gas. Push gas. (Rice?) (Coming now.) (Rice is here.) Rice, rice. And here, this… (Chilies.) (Thank you.) Careful, don’t burn him. Let him take the rice first. Don’t burn him with the soup. Yeah, that’s a boy! Yeah, eat! (It means a warrior in Czech. It is so, well.) Try it, OK? For fun. A lot of people eat, so you eat.
