This is a system of torturing. When you have no money, you want everything, and you have naught. When you have money, you have everything, you want nothing. Because you don’t care anymore, you don’t taste anything anymore. So don’t feel bad if you are poor. Don’t feel bad. If you have enough to eat, to drink, and have a safe house, even a small house – it’s good enough.
Excuse me. Sometimes it doesn’t work and sometimes it overdoes – just like my disciples. Just like everybody who works with me. Ask them to do, they don’t, and when I ask them again, they bring a lot, a lot of bananas, for example. OK, good. I love you guys. (We love You, Master.) Do you feel my Love for you? (Yes. Love You so much.) That’s good. (Master, I love You. Thank You.)
This kind of system is very funny. When I was a disciple, when I was a so-called disciple, running around ashrams, I had no money. Everything tasted so good, but didn’t have enough. Even wanted a piece of chocolate, didn’t have money to buy it. I gave all [my] money away to masters. And then I thought I could ask for it back sometimes if I wanted some ice cream. I told them, I said, “If I want some ice cream, can I get some?” They said, “Sure,” but I never… I was too embarrassed. I was too embarrassed to ask. Even though I already said that, I gave everything away.
Oh, man. And now I have everything, I taste nothing. A lot of things that I want, was like dying for it before, and now it tastes like nothing to me. Before, I was dying for a piece of chocolate, and now chocolate is there just for the boys and the girls or whomever that comes nearby. I taste nothing. I don’t even feel like it. I don’t feel like even opening it to taste to see if it’s OK or not. I know it’s not good. I don’t have the desire for it. This is a system of torturing. When you have no money, you want everything, and you have naught. When you have money, you have everything, you want nothing. Because you don’t care anymore, you don’t taste anything anymore. So don’t feel bad if you are poor. Don’t feel bad. If you have enough to eat, to drink, and have a safe house, even a small house – it’s good enough.
In Hong Kong, I have only a small house because a small mountain; don’t have a lot of big space. I and seven dog-people stay together in a small place, as small as this… from that red thing there, that flower, up to the end here, that’s it. And have bathroom, toilet inside. And a kitchenette. But later I cheated, I cooked outside on the veranda. We’re lucky we have a veranda. I built it afterward so the dog-people can run around outside when it’s raining, so they don’t have to stay stuck in the… I don’t know, four square meters with an old woman who’s always looking at something, signing something, reading something. If not, then checking videos or something. “Ah, She is no fun.” “How come? We like to run around outside, breathing air and sniffing the grass. She’s just sitting there looking at papers.”
And I was very happy, we were very happy. They were very happy because I was always there. That’s a small space, I can’t run anywhere. I have a sofa I sleep on but later the dog-people also took care of it. So, daytime I flip it over, so they don’t pee on my mattress, on the sofa mattress. I put some blanket, because they were still small, babies, and they pee anywhere, anytime. They don’t care about a sofa, how expensive, or bed or anything, of course not. But the sofa is not expensive, though you can stretch it out [and it] becomes a bed. Because such a small room, where do you put a bed?
Here, at least they give me a double bed. Whoa, luxury, with two pillows. But they know I have no chance to have any boyfriend or husband. So they put a long, hugging pillow on one side. How do you call that? A fake…? (It’s called a body pillow.) Body pillow, yeah, yeah, that’s it. They knew already that I don’t need the whole bed. Why do they buy such a big bed, just to humiliate me? And then put a pillow there just to prove that they know everything. If they know already, I don’t have a chance. Why bother buying such a big bed? But also, my dog-people occupy them. They love my bed. They have sofas. I have at least four sofas for them alone. They also come to my little bedroom and have my sofa, my bedroom. It’s their favorite hangout. Because I stick in the bedroom to work.
Recently, I don’t go to the office because I was so sick; not sick but when I go in the wind, I cough too much, so I stick in the bedroom. Also, because I want to take care of the dog-people because I observe that they use the dog-people to make me worry more. So I just stay there with them. I take care of them instead. Instead of leaving them there, and then coming back and forth, and making more worries. Sometimes they forget, they don’t bring water, sometimes they don’t give them enough food, etc. Or sometimes the dog-people don’t drink when I’m not there. And when I come home, everybody goes to the water bowl. Just like that. They’re so funny. After they pant around, when I first come in everybody pants around with a wagging tail, and then they all jump onto the water bowl to drink. Together, like an orchestra. Imagine. So I just stay with the dog-people also. So I work at home.
They love my bed. Luckily, it’s big because they jump around and then they run too much, I worry, I worry they’ll fall down. But the bed is big; big enough for little dog-people. They love my sofa also. I told you, dog-people can teach you renunciation if you think you cannot let go. Nothing? Not listening? Oh, whoa! If you think you are too attached, or cannot let go, take a couple of dog-people. Then you have nothing. Your bank money is running out quick, quick, quick, for doctors, for food, for toys, because they keep biting the toys. You have to renew them. And your clothes are always with the dog-people. So whenever I go out, I have to brush them first. Otherwise they smell, they’d think I’m a dog-person also. Hair all over. Black, white, yellow... So, whenever I go out to see you, I have to sneak out. Otherwise, they jump all over me: one on the back, one on the shoulder, one on the front, one here and there, and nip, nip, nip around.
And then you have no bed, you have no sofa. You have just a little corner table, if you even have it. If it’s high enough so they don’t jump. Then you have a little chair… They always want to check out what it is that you don’t let them come up. They eat all my documents, my papers, and some photos of the initiates, which I need. Luckily, I still have half, and I still can make out – is that a man or a woman? And then I ask them, “Please print another one of this kind of man,” not with the gnawing zig-zag on it. My God! I just went to the kitchen to cook some hot water for myself, came back, “Oh my God! What?” All over the floor, all photos of initiates. Oh God, I’m so sorry. If I stayed longer, would be all gone.
And I would not know who is who to even reprint it. I need them to organize a schedule. He eats your face and her face, and... Luckily, there’s a lot so they just taste one each, a little bit of each. If only one or two, you’re finished, man. Your application will never pass anywhere. Because we don’t even know you exist! Your photo’s gone, no evidence of the “crime” left. Oh, my God. And then all my notebooks and everything, sometimes my poetry books, they enjoy them so much.
I told you, you can become a monk or a nun if you have dog-people. You will have nothing. Then you slowly learn that nothing is really that important – except your love for them and except their love for you. Truly, it’s very comfortable. I love you also, but I really love my dog-people. No matter what they do, they still get a kiss and a hug and, “Bad girl, come here. Don’t do it again.”
OK, goodbye. Love you, thank you. Love you guys. (Love You. I love You so much.) Love you, love you. Don’t worry. I will show up again. Don’t worry. I’ll let you see me more. Don’t worry. OK? (OK.) But not that frequently, not like before. The one-day, two-day, four-day, two-week, two-month retreats, oh, it was terrible! It always took me a long time to recover. Because whenever I spend time with you, I also have to share my energy with you. Then I too lose some energy, and need to recuperate, so that I can keep on going. OK. Thank you. Thank you for being good people. If you are being a good person, you are being good to me. No need to be grateful to me. I want you to be good people and be saints. So, there are no more questions. OK, goodbye. (Goodbye.) Love you. (Love You.)
